5 Ways to Make Leaving Easier

Let me paint a picture. You are at the neighborhood park. Your little one is running around and playing. Going up the stairs and down the slide endlessly. It is time to go. You say, “Okay John! It is time to leave the park now. Let’s get our things and go.” John pretends he doesn’t hear you. He continues to run and play. You begin collecting your things. When they are collected you say, “Okay John, we really need to leave now.” You walk over to him and hold his hand. He throws his body on the ground screaming. Not. Fun. Your cortisol immediately spikes, you can’t decide if you are embarrassed or frustrated or both. You wonder why this always happens- and it makes you not want to go out.

Now. If this is what you are dealing with- let me offer a few tips that I have found helpful that have worked for lots of kiddos! Now, this might not work for your kiddo, but I encourage you to try any new strategy at least three times before giving up on it. Just like in fairy tales, three really is the magic number. I start out with each one of these tips, and then flex my strategy depending on what the kiddo I am with responds to. Sometimes I need to keep them all, and with other kiddos or certain places, I just use a warning and one other strategy.

1. Give your kiddo a warning. Even if the little one in question is only a year old. A warning does wonders. Just like how our brains are conditioned for sleep with a bedtime routine. A leaving routine will do the same thing. I like to start with a ten minute warning. It goes something like this, “Hey John! This is your ten minute warning. We need to leave the park in ten minutes. Would you like to stay here on the swing, or would you like to try something else before we need to go?” If your kiddo is a little older, think 2+, setting a visual timer can be helpful here.

After 5 minutes I say, “Okay John. We have five minutes left! It is almost time to go.” Five minutes is a long time for a kiddo, so I remind them halfway through that, hey, we really are leaving soon! I haven’t forgotten!

When we have 1 minute left I say, “We have to get ready to go in one minute! That means you have time to go down the slide one more time!” With one minute left give a quantity to your kiddo. You can have 3 more pushes on the swing! You can read 2 more pages. You can click 5 more buttons. It all depends on where you are or what you’re doing. With some kids, or during some activities it might be best to give a ten second countdown.

If giving a 10 second countdown, end the countdown with a direction. For example, “We have to go in ten seconds. Ready? 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, in four seconds John is all done on the slide, 3, 2, almost done, 1, John is all done on the slide! Time to walk to the diaper bag!” Giving the kiddo an action step at the end helps get their brain off of the slide and onto the next task at hand. “3, 2, 1, hands off! Show me your hands!” while holding your hands up and open is also a great one. Turn leaving into a race or a game if your kiddo is sad to leave behind the fun.

2. Give your kiddo a job. When leaving a location give your kiddo something to be responsible for upon leaving. My go to is carrying their water or collecting a stick or something on the way to the car. Keep in mind that kiddos travel leisurely. You will have more success if you let your little one take their time leaving compared to rushing them along. Build in extra time to get from one place to the next because their job is serious business and they will focus a lot of energy on whatever it is which will help them leave, but likely slow them down in the process.

3. Acknowledge your kiddo’s big feelings if they arise. “I know it is hard to leave when you are having fun! What was your favorite part of today? When we get home let’s tell (insert person, pet, stuffed animal) all about it!” Leaving a place when you’re having a great time is a bummer for adults too, acknowledge the big feeling, try to name it, and talk about what made the day so great. This helps your little one process their emotions and with repetition and naming the feeling will feel a little smaller each time.

4. Whatever transition routines you have at home, try implementing them out and about. If you have a signature phrase, time limit, or method of moving on to the next thing- go ahead and try it out and about! Consistency is key with children, they thrive with routines, boundaries, and knowing what is coming next.

5. Turn leaving into the next adventure. Big feelings happen when you leave a place because it is hard to transition- especially when they are having fun. Try something silly or goal oriented to get to the car, stroller, or next place. This is where your “Show me” language can be really helpful! “Show me how you move your body to the car!” “Show me how a dolphin would get to the stroller!” “Show me how Elmo says goodbye to his friends!” Modeling to your child and being silly along the way will help them forget about being sad and not wanting to leave and focus more on the fun they are having with you!

Now remember, no matter what you do your kiddo will probably have a hard time leaving a fun place every once in a while. There is no cure all. I had great success leaving the neighborhood park with the two year old I nannied, but 1 out of 10 times there would be tears and I would carry her to the stroller. That is okay and expected! Focus on the successes you have and keep your boundaries firm, with consistency you will see fewer or shorter meltdowns with lasting improvements!